· Edited
Do you write first or read the sample essay first? I can compare vocabulary, but what if the sample uses totally different ideas?
What would you change in your paragraph without copying it?
Comments
ha_nguyen
Compare one body paragraph: where does the sample explain its point, and where does yours? Keep your own idea. Got a short pair we can look at?
3 Reply
amara07
Small practice pair:
First: 'Working from home benefits employees. It is good for them.'
Revised: 'Working from home can save employees the time they would spend commuting. They could use that time to rest or be with their family.'
Now it names a benefit and explains it, instead of just saying 'good'.
9 Reply
yasmin_f
There's a learner paragraph and peer rewrite here. The original lists location, transport and cost; the rewrite connects distance with travel and living costs.
Does it still need to say how those costs lead to choosing online study?
2 Reply
DmytroV
Maybe: 'These savings can make online study the more practical choice for a student who lives far from campus.' Does that supply the missing link?
1 Reply
yasmin_f
That connects it. Could keep the student's location in the earlier sentence too, so the costs make sense straight away.
1 Reply
TomaszW
If the cost sentence already explains the choice, do we need the extra link? Could cover it and check. Maybe the bit to fix is earlier.
5 Reply
zarina_u
Something like: 'Because she cannot travel to campus each day, she looks for a course she can do online.' Then the costs have something to explain.
1 Reply
Mia_ch
Could I start with one paragraph like amara07's example, before trying a full essay? Still figuring out the task.
1 Reply